it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
