You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
