fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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