i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
