He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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