I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
