Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
