i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
