Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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