Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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