Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
