dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
