i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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