So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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