Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
