so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you had me at cake vodka
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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