There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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