the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
