If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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