you would pick up someone in the library
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
