We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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