my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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