you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
