ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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