A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
