We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
