im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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