every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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