We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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