I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
