checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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