so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
