The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
