I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
