My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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