p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
