i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
