is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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