every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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