Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
ok first of all what the fuck
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
