I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
