I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
