I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You need a sexual gate keeper
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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