he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
