Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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