smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
