did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
