i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
