somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
