in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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