ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
