but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
