Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
