I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sarcasm needs its own font
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
