I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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