I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
