you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
